Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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