what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
