just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
