Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
