he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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