Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
