she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
