Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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