hotel room ftw
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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