Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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