Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
