textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
