loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
this just has baby written all over it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm sobbing to NWA
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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