I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize