I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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