Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
