i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
