Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
