She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
