Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
