Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
