He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
