She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
