Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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