I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
