Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
