I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
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Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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