There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
