Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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