DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
