just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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