yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
