How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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