i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
