If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
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our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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