This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
