You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
