he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
