I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
