So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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