12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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