:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
