We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
