the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
