speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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