hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
