There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
