A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
