were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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