Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
