Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
