haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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