Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo

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  (323): just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo http://tfl.nu/xr1e
  Replies (2) Good night (610) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.

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  (815): My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY. http://tfl.nu/imc8
  Replies (14) Good night (779) Bad night (3175)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version

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  (512): they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version http://tfl.nu/ectn
  Replies (32) Good night (2333) Bad night (4656)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?

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  (720): i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do? http://tfl.nu/0v59
  Replies (21) Good night (7869) Bad night (764)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.

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  (618): i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today. http://tfl.nu/48rk
  Replies (6) Good night (4974) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?

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  (310): So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned? http://tfl.nu/6bz7
  Replies (15) Good night (5253) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...

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  (305): woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"... http://tfl.nu/ev8f
  Replies (5) Good night (3772) Bad night (1246)
• Favorite

  (779): View more from Illinois

  Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.

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  (779): Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge. http://tfl.nu/lg3i
  Replies (6) Good night (1254) Bad night (1613)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"

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  (606): It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?" http://tfl.nu/9bht
  Replies (7) Good night (2583) Bad night (1063)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof

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  (412): I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof http://tfl.nu/k401
  Replies (7) Good night (3130) Bad night (764)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.

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  (606): Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore. http://tfl.nu/afe8
  Replies (8) Good night (1534) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.

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  (425): On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler. http://tfl.nu/m74v
  Replies (6) Good night (293) Bad night (1191)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Just trying to get my dicks in a row.

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  (928): Just trying to get my dicks in a row. http://tfl.nu/3g9d
  Replies (2) Good night (785) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.

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  (206): Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary. http://tfl.nu/o05e
  Replies (1) Good night (280) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.

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  (770): I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that. http://tfl.nu/srdm
  Replies (2) Good night (492) Bad night (307)

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