btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just want cinnabon and vodka.