Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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