I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say