guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
