Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban