I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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