Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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