Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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My ass is underappreciated
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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