if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
