he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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