You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
