I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
