I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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