nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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