guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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