We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize