This is the prime rib incident all over again
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
