I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
