and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
