she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
