I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
