How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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