Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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