This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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