After last night, I could never be a politician.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
