I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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