When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
