So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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