i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
