Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
