I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
