i think i have herpe
just one?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
