I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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